About Me

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Texas, United States
Me in a nutshell: I'm a loving wife and stay at home mommy to a beautiful 3 yr old. At my best I'm creative, light-hearted, sassy, honest, witty and I have a natural love for people and an amazing zest for life, did I mention that I'm probably the best person to have on a girls night out. At my worst I'm sharp tongued, brutally honest, introverted, intolerant and slightly dismissive but it's few and far between that my alter ego ever rears her ugly head.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Part Two (What I was really trying to say was...)

...About me being selfish. Well in the post before my last, I was getting at something but I got a lil' carried away. I'm gonna try not to do that this time. So what I was trying to say was there's this "thing" and I battle with myself daily about it. There's talk around my house about another baby *gasp*. Not a big deal you say? Well the problem is, I just got my little one enrolled in Pre-K, he'll be starting in the fall and I thought that maybe, just maybe I COULD GET MY FREAKIN' LIFE BACK! I would be able to run my errands by myself, go the the bathroom...by myself and most of all, enjoy some quite alone time where somebody isn't asking me for something. I gotta backtrack and fill you in on why this is such an internal battle for me. You know it's kinda sad to see your kid all alone with no one to play with at home, it's actually quite pitiful really. I'm almost embarrassed of the fact that my son has quite a few friends...but mommy and daddy just can't see them. I hope it's not too unhealthy cause I just let him talk to them and sometimes when I'm tired I might even tell him that I heard one of his "friends" call for him. Aww quit your judging...I know it sounds terrible but sometimes I get tired of being the only one that he has to play with all day. Anyway, before I get off track, my hubby and I took all of this into consideration as well as the fact the neither of us had to grow up alone and as adults, our siblings have really come in handy, so to speak. We also realized that it is more unfair to him than it is an inconvenience to us.(See, I can be a good mommy sometimes) The reason why I struggle so much is because I do want to add to my family but the little bit of "old me" that I briefly brought back to life is soon to die again. I can see her drowning in diapers, breast pumps, butt ointment, sibling rivalry, weight gain, morning sickness and this death looking more tragic than the first. I've shared this with a few people but most of them make me feel like a fat, family hating monster for even thinking about it that way when I believe I'm just being real with myself. I'm not so bad, right? Right?!

9 comments:

  1. Hello! Just found your blog.Very interesting post, had me thinking and laughing. Miss, you're normal to feel that way. It is very normal to desire having your "old you" back since she had more time for social things. But it is responsible for you to put your son's social life into perspective too. As long as you make the right end choice, all will start off well. And who says a mommy can't have an SL? Find mommy meetup groups to join in your area (meetup.com). Don't kill yourself!!!

    P.S. Please do check out my new blog

    overwhelmingfullness.blogspot.com

    Thank you!

    O.F.C.J.

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  2. I'm right there with you girl! My lil one is about to turn three and yes it is difficult for some of us to lay down the impending freedom that comes with school. You have to find the balance that works for you and your family. Settling for anything less will leave you drained & unhappy. You are not alone ! LOL! funny post too.

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  3. I don't think that's bad at all! Yes, your son may get lonley from time to time, however, he is starting Pre-K and will make lots of new friends. And you have to take into consideration how your going to be feeling IF you do decide to have another kiddo. SOME
    (not all) parents seem to forget that they are entilted to have a life after their child is born. So, i say send your child to Pre-K and enjoy your alone time for awhile, and then LATER if you decide your ready to deal with the morning sickness, dr visits, diapers, crying all that fun stuff at least you had time to think about it !!!!!

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  4. I'm not quite there yet honestly. I just got married in May and my wife and I want to wait three or so years before we think about having kids. That's the plan anyway. But I do think it's just about transitions. You've gotten used to things a certain way so it's hard to picture them differently. But I don't think it's bad. It'll be a new experience for all of you.

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  5. I just found your blog through 20 Something Bloggers I Love Comments Group. First off, I love the title b/c a Hot Mess is def a phrase that I use.

    In reference to this post & part I. I think that most Stay At Home Mom's struggle with loving being home with their kids and wanting ME time, and adult conversation. Some moms resort to locking themselves in the bathroom just to get a break but it really shouldn't have to come to that. We (self included) need to be better at telling our husbands what we need as in sometime btwn when you get home and when the kid goes to bed can I get 45 mins of uninterrupted time PLEASE.

    With regard to imaginary friends. I've found joining a Moms group really helps. I'm a member of Mocha Moms which is a National Org for Stay at home Mothers of Color. My chapter has playdates which is good for my currently only child to socialize with someone other than me and Diego, they also have monthly Mom's ONLY potlucks where the mommies get a break.

    I'm gonna stop now b/c I feel like I'm writing a whole blog post in your comments section plus I need to go cook my hubby dinner :)

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  6. Don't feel so bad. I understand how you feel and I guess it's normal. You are a mom, but it doesn't mean you can't be an individual also. Thanks for sharing this very honest post.

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  7. I have two kids and they are great playmates but the thought of another child does make me a little queasy. It's like you've made so much progress (just ditched the baby bag. Everyone's potty trained) and another baby puts you right back at square one. I get it. I feel you. The best thing you can do is get baby number two moving right along ASAP. Hate to rush you but the only way to get the little bit of "you" back is to make those lil ones move along. We don't do things at a snails pace round these parts. I pushed my 2 year old to keep up with or surpass my almost four year old and both me and the hubs appreciate all that our capable kids can do.

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  8. Hey Girl....I need some help, of course I do not know what I am doing on blogging. I am starting a weight loss blog journal and I have no idea what I am doing, oh did I already say that....I have chosen to follow you, well because you remind me of myself. :) Can you please help me get up and started and on the right track that you look like you are on with your blog....GOD BLESS YOU GIRL!!.
    Thanks
    Kimberly

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  9. Soooooo chic! Check my blog sweetie and tell me if you wanna follow each others blog! Kisses

    FashionSpot.ro

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